What if?
by Aidoann
Summary: Post Let the Seller Beware GS


Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. But I am keeping Grissom's smile  
Spoilers: 'Let the Seller Beware'  
Archive: Ask me  
E-mail/MSN:jadzia@home.nl  
Comments: This is my first fan fic and English is not my native language. So please don't be too hard on me. This story is something I just had to write after seeing 'Let the Seller Beware'.  
  
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What if?  
**By Jadzia 

".. and then you expect me to be there in a moment's notice, it's.. ehm.. confusing."

Grissom's mind raced. As usual when someone caught him off guard, he took off his glasses. This was hard. He couldn't even bring himself to look her in the eyes. He opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words. What was he going to say to her?

From her position in the door opening, Sara watched Grissom struggle. Perhaps she should give him some time. She turned around to go home, just as she had intended in the first place. What had she been thinking, confronting Grissom?

"Sara, wait."

Sara turned around to face him, clearly seeing the helpless look on his face. She stepped into his office, closing the door behind her. She walked to his desk, crossed her arms, and just looked at him.

Grissom shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Finally he said, "I didn't tell you to get a life.. I.. said you deserved one." He wasn't sure this was a good thing to say, but it was true, and perhaps it would prevent her from leaving again.

Sara rolled her eyes and asked, "What's the difference?"

He should have known she was going to ask that. He wasn't about to tell her that she did deserve a life, but not with that guy. Not with Hank. Again he was at a loss for words.

Sara was the first to break the silence. "I was alone you know." Grissom's eyes widened. Had she just read his mind? Sara took his look for confusion and continued, "You told me to get.. ehm.. that I deserved a life, and it was my day off, so I decided to try something different." Grissom nodded; relieved to learn she had been alone and tried to picture Sara visiting a vineyard.

Sara looked up and noticed the relief on his face. Her mouth widened into a smile, when she said, "Grissom, you are jealous."

Now it was Grissom's turn to be confused. Was she mocking him? No, her mouth might have been smiling, but her eyes were serious. He didn't want to admit it to her, but if he wasn't going to say anything soon, she _would_ go away, so he decided to play her game and asked, "What if I were?"

This wasn't the answer Sara had expected. Ever since he dropped the beauty line on her, he hadn't seen that look on her face. She just didn't know how to respond. But that also meant, that the next move was his. And this time there was no case to turn back to. There was no going back now. So he just said it.

"I'm going deaf." Grissom had expected that a load would fall from him when he finally told someone about his hearing problem, but the fear of telling did not weigh up to the fear of waiting for a reaction.

Sara opened her mouth, but no sound was coming from it, and for a moment Grissom thought he had one of his hearing lapses again, but then it struck him she was unable to answer. Had it been a year ago, he had been thrilled to have her speechless, but not now, because again this meant that the next move was up to him.

"I.. I have no right to be jealous. You deserve better. You deserve a life." 

Grissom looked at Sara, trying to figure out how she was taking this. It took her a moment to process this information, but then she got that look on her face that she had when she was about to solve a case. She had been given all the pieces of the puzzle and now she was putting them together. For the first time since he met her, he not just wondered what the outcome would be, but also feared the outcome.

It didn't take Sara's quick mind long to figure things out, and when she looked back at him, she looked relieved. Finally she said, "You have no reason to be jealous. We _are_ just friends. And as for my life, it's mine to decide what to do with it, and if I want to spend it with you, it is my choice."

Did she just say what he thought she said? But before he could ask, Sara said, "I mean it." and as she leaned closer to him across his desk, she added, "I love you."

Grissom closed his eyes and waited. Was she going to kiss him? But when nothing happened he opened his eyes again and found himself still staring into the empty hallway. Sara had left, and he hadn't even tried to make her stay, to talk to her, to explain her how he felt.

The words "it's confusing" kept playing over and over again in his mind and he could think of a hundred scenarios in which he had made her stay. Some ended well, like this one, others didn't. But in every scenario he could come up with, Sara was.. Sara.

Grissom now understood that Sara hadn't lied when she said that she and Hank were just friends. So he had no reason to be jealous. If anything, her last words suggested that she _did_ have feelings for him. 

Still this didn't take away all his fears. Grissom couldn't predict how the news that he was going deaf would affect Sara. But he could trust her, and she had given him an ultimatum. So he knew he should tell her, not just about his feelings, but also about his deafness.

The only thing Grissom had to do now was to wait for the right moment. The moment that he would get an answer his question.. "What if?"


End file.
